Life…… a full circle …!!

Originally written in June, 2017:

I always wondered how writers can churn out so many varied stories. And now i understood. Life is the most amazing experience one can have. And when you observe people, it is daunting and each minute is extraordinary!!

I wondered about life turning a full circle. Now i understood it more after seeing her life!! Here is a story of a lady,  who faced many difficult situations. When she got married and found that her hubby was a no good person, instead of complaining about her life, she started earning in trickle. She thought she overcame one obstacle. When her mother died when she was hardly 21, she thought she had to live for her daughters. So she tried to overcome her grief of losing her mother, whom she loved with life. When her husband finally left her for good, she tried to pick up the threads to renew her life. Instead of self pitying, she thought she has to think about her kids future. So, she made her kids her life and just lived for them. She started doing job and to make two ends meet, she had to work extra hours. She survived.

Unlike other mothers who think about their kids getting settle down financially and get married, she never planned anything at all. She realised that no plans work. Life goes on according to one’s destiny. At the same time, she did not leave everything to fate. She did what all she could and left the result to God. She always thought that He would be there for her, where none of her family was by her side. Neither her in-laws. She learned that she should not sympathise herself and that self pity can be very demoralising. She never attended any discourses or motivational speeches. She learned everything from life.

She tried her level best to educate her kids, hoping to do more. Luckily her kids delivered her hopes. Both of them became financially independent. And out of blue came a boy who professed his love for her daughter and married her. Initially his parents had objections. He convinced them and married her daughter. She was happy to see that her daughter was in good hands. Just after six months, her younger daughter too got married to another fine boy. Her elder son in law performed the younger one’s wedding.

And she was one contented person. She was happy to see both her kids getting settled. They may not be financially sound, but they were all happy. She started thinking she crossed all her hurdles, finally.

And then came the shocking incident. Her elder son in law left this world. She was shocked to the core. Her world shattered. She knows she has to stand for her daughters, yet again. She has to collect herself and stand for her daughter who became all alone. And she started thinking that life turned a big full circle and came to the starting point. This is again a challenge for her.

Never before she felt dejected with life, though she faced so much in life, she never asked God for anything and neither lost faith either in life or in God. But now, she is shattered beyond any comprehension. She could face anything all the while when so much happening to her. When something happened to her kid, she could not take it. But, she understood that she has to be there for her kid and pray God to give her strength to once gain to face life!!

I have seen many people having their own troubles. But i never came across such a strong person. Many a time, situations tried to crumble her and she rose like Phoenix. Seeing her always made me think sometimes many unpredictable things happpen and nothing is in our hands. Life turns a big circle!! We just ve to perserve and watch life from afar!!

Thoughts …. !!!

Extract from my diary, orignally written in 2017 :

I always believed stronglythat one should not do something which one has to regret later. But it so happens sometimes that situations go out of hand. Somethings are said and done just in a lighter vein, sometimes in a bid to express something else but words are put in some other way and misread as something else. Though the intentions are funny and pure sometimes words expressed are taken in a different context. Why that happens? I means how come misunderstanding of words happen? Is it bcoz we are under that particular psychological condition or what?

I think that ‘maturity’ do not come with age. This is the first thought. Sometimes it so happens that even older people tend to be caught in a vortex of misunderstandings. Sometimes i tend to think, if i have the power, how to erase bitter happenings so that they wont become ‘bitter memories’!! I really wonder.

Nowadays i am wrriting more. My need to talk to someone has become more. Why? I remind myself that after all, i am a human being who has emotions, thoughts and it is not necessary that you find someone continuously to hear you!!

Now in 2019, this day:

As i am chronicling the thoughts from my diary, i am just surprised that in all these two years nothing has changed at all. Ohh yeah…. we tend to come across few persons and in those, we tend to become close to one person (is it that we think we ve become close..!! What if the other person do not think on that plane..? ) and we pour our heart out to him/her. In the process may be we take tehm for granted that they are ready to hear all our mumblings.. What if they start to feel either bored, vexed or what if they themselves ve their own issues and what if we suddenly reaise that all the conversation has come to stand still and what if we realise that it is only we are sharing and the other person do not ? We realise this when situation saturate and all around us there is only silence !! It hurts. It hurts that the other person is drawing an invisible circle all around him/her and not leting us in!! I dont think we realise this until they show us our spot.

Learning Experiences… !!

Originally written in 2017:

So many times we try to run away from problems. We dont try to find a solution for that!! At that instant we are facing a problem which no one might have!! It is human tendency to perceive that one is facing a situation which no other had faced. Well.. each one think that their situation is special. 🙂

We need to understand that we have to face it . We can’t run away. Sometimes, it so even happens that if anyone tries to convince us, if anyone tries to pat our back saying that the rough phase passes on and we would be seeing greener future, we tend to look at that person with the thought that ‘what they might understand” ..haha. Well……

We might have noticed one thing especially in our children. When we try to correct them, they will not be in a situation to understand it. They undermine us, firstly,  bcoz we are their parents. Secondly, they feel that they are big enough to tackle on their own and wonder why their parents are poking their noses. They fail to understand that their parents too might have gone through similar phases and are trying to correct them!! Haha…bcoz each one of us want to learn from our own experiences!! Another streak of human beings. 🙂

Introspection ..!!

Originally written on May 4th, 2017:

Just was reading one skeleton of a book by a dear friend and it evoked so many memories, thoughts!! Thought, i, as well, put it in writing!! I have this habit of writing whenever i feel like sharing some innermost thoughts with someone. I happened to have come across a person, yet to know if he is wonderful human being too, to whom i said this unusual thing about writing!! He said, ‘it sounds lonely’!! Well….i always thought that i never felt lonely. After hearig his view, i started retrospecting, introspecting!! Yes…he might be true. Each of us come across this feeling of ‘lonliness’, even when we are surrounded by innumerable people. Then why that lonliness? I think it need not be feeling lonely bcoz we miss a person physically. But each one of us crave for a person with whom we can empathise, with whom we can have a rapport that we feel comfortable talking anything under the Sun without any fear or favour. Not only that, it is that part of our soul where in we feel that need for a soulmate. It is certainly not necessary that our spouses can become our soulmates. It is also absolutely not necessary that we call a person our soulmate and we need live under one roof , daily meet, see each other!! It is above all these. It is a kind of a comfortable emotional quotient we have.

I always felt that to have to live alone rather than live with a person with whom you have zero rapport! I think it is punishing!! What is the use of living a quantitative life rather than qualitative life!! I found many people sharing jokes about spouses and i never liked that, though those are all considered jokes!! I feel that there needs to be respect too in relationships. Wat do u say folks?

We….. Indians…!!

Originally written in 2017:

I dont know what to say and how to say. Bcoz i am disturbed. I was into this particular thought since two days and i was unable to sort my thoughts, in fact!! I will come to the point. I saw one of my Indian Face Book friends, who stays outside India (NRI), posting a pic wherein two camels are resting in a parking lot in a public place!! And one of his foreign friends was asking him such incidents really happen? For which, my friend answered, “Anything can happen in India”. For a while i thought what my reply would have been,  if i were to be in his place!! I would have just smiled and let him have his own opinion. Just because my friend answered as he did, that Foreign friend was seen saying  “it is wild”!! God knows wat he meant by it!!

The point which bothered me is the comment of my friend!! So callous comment!! There are several ways to reply to such questions. One can be witty too!!

It has become a fashion off late that whoever goes out of India to visit their kids who are choosing to settle down there, commenting so cheaply about our country!! They let their kids who settle down there for ‘betterment’ of lives!! Why can’t they advise their kids that they can better India, our country and be happy?? A million dollar question and i know i will not get proper answers. So venting out here in my blog!!

Beggars are everywhere, not only India. Poor people are everywhere in the world, not only in India!! This attitude of our own countrymen pains me beyond my enduration!!

Musings-1

Umm … today is Mother’s Day!! Want to tell you one story. But to make it easier for me towrite i am writing in first person!! I felt that it would be more effective!!

“Both my daughters sent messages in the morning itself. One of them went out to meet her friend and the other one was taking care of their home. By the way, both sisters, along with their respective husbands and my grandson stay in one house!! Great, is n’t it?

I am against celebrating one one single day either it may be birthdays, any anniversaries or days like these!! Bcoz i always felt that we should love one another always, just not on some special days!! I completely believe it!! But why is that i am feeling empty inside, especially today? Am i expecting my kids to celebrate in a certain manner? Why i am feeling empty? Not only today..but since some days!!

There was a time, when they have not started living together, my elder one used to come every weekend or used to invite me, my younger one, her hubby and grandson to her place!! But since they all started living together too, inviting me on weekends continued, though i started refusing to go each weekend!! I just wanted them to undersatnd one another and also with a feeling that if i go frequently, i may see any unplesant developing between them (it is obvious that there are many compromises, adjustments in a joint family, though they are sisters) and i amy take sides!! I did not want that to happen. I wanted them to deal with their situations by themselves. I would be going only for one or two hours or one day. And what i can perceive in such a short time? They are better persons to sort their situations amicably.

Nowadys, it has become fashion even to our generation to say that’” we want to live our lives!! We have toiled all our lives for family and now it is time to take some time out for ourselves!! “ Haha ..well… living our lives in our way means wat? Parents going out somewhere just like it is shown in Vodafone advertisement and chilling out? Or staying to raech out to kids and spending some quality time? Or what? To enjoy does it mean that it is somewhere outside the family?

I am feeling lonely.Literally there is no one to talk to!! Except my kids,i dont get aclls from anyone. I dont have such friends who call meon daily basis. And my family, though i have my siblings, maintain distances justas it has now become common in urban areas!! That means from the time i get up and till i sleep in the middle of the night, i need not open my mouth. I never had this habit of mingling much with neighbours!! Unless i get a call from either of my kids, i can keep my mouth shut!! I ahve ALL the time in the world!! Am i loving this? When i think this, i wonder how it can become a fashion to become strangers to our families?

Between all these there are so many things which are in between lines!! My daughter thinks that if she invites me often, her hubby amy feel that she is not inviting his parents too!! For not doing so, she has her own justifications. So, as a mother can i not understand what i am supposed to do? That is why I keep silent, waiting my mobile to ring!!”